Lookin' for Kale in All the Wrong Places

Finding Kale in Unexpected Places

I wish I was talking about a garden.

I could have called this place “Looking for kale in all the wrong places” (“Wookin' pa nub!”).

I have a deep, dark confession to make: I occasionally eat McDonald's food.

Until now I've had no issue half lying as I boasted, “I'd never EAT there, but the coffee's great!” knowing that on my last road trip (I don't pre-plan)*, or the last time I was drunk (very infrequently) I ordered two McDoubles with bacon, removed the bottom buns from both and put them together for one sandwich (less bun).

I MIGHT have admitted to eating a breakfast burrito (hold the salsa). In all honestly (because I'm laying it out there) there are only about 4 items I ever order and it's usually those with minimal bread. Hold the Mac Sauce, as much as I like the taste. I'll pass on the propylene glycol, thank you very much.

*I'm imagining gasps of horror right now, so I'm going to tell you this:

Any time I've approached the road trip situation with the mindset of “I can't eat there” I've become cranky, uncomfortable and uncomfortable to be around. I get stressed out and anxious. I start to resent my partner a little bit because “WHY DO WE HAVE TO EAT AT THIS PLACE, EVEN IF IT'S THE ONLY PLACE FOR MILES??”.  Hunger and low blood sugar add to the bad feelings and if his blood sugar is low, he's unpleasant to be around. Thankfully we both have the self-awareness to know when hunger is making us act out and we know “It's not you, it's hunger, it will pass”, but you might be able to imagine. I've discovered that when I take it easy on myself and occasionally compromise on food (that I can tolerate) I feel emotionally and physically better because I don't have anxiety and the feeling of knots in my stomach. The blood sugar stabilizes and we're both happier with ourselves and each other.

See also  Pumpkin Smoothie

Moving on…

Recently, Jason (said partner) went to the nearby McDonald's to grab himself breakfast. My standard breakfast at home comes in liquid form, such as my “butter latte“, a green juice or a smoothie – for real. Some time after returning home he called me into the kitchen. “You have to try this!” It was the new McDonald's Kale and Feta McWrap, made with eggs, tomatoes, feta cheese and baby kale. It was one of the first few days it was on the menu.

I'll pause here and let that sink in.

Kale and Feta McWrap.

I'll pause again and, if necessary, give you the opportunity to grab some water to wash down the vomit that reflexively entered your mouth when you read “McDonald's”.



Yeah. WTF??

This is what the Kale and Feta McWrap officially looks like:


I didn't take a photo. Of course it's not really this pretty, but the photo is an adequate representation of the ingredients.

“But surely there's something wrong with it!” , you might think.

I did.

I went to their website with my anti-McDonald's bias (I sometimes eat and enjoy their food but hate the idea of it) looking for something to discredit this new item. I liked the product and I needed to feel ashamed about it. Instead, I found nothing to hate. This made me feel defeated.

McDonalds Kale and Feta details

Props to McDonalds for their transparency (I hate that I'm saying that) and none of these ingredients offend me!

Some of those ingredients aren't ones I want to consume daily but as an avid (read: compulsive) reader of ingredient lists at grocery stores, I don't see anything that I wouldn't find on packages at the supermarket, where most of the ingredients on packages, even baked goods “baked in store” offend me. I don't generally eat bread – I limit my consumption of gluten and such – or use cooking spray and I'm sensitive to yeast extract so I limit my consumption of that too.

See also  My 2016 Word and Looking Ahead

Nutrients and Percentage of Daily Value


Note that the amount of sodium is high, considering that this is one meal. Feta is salty.


When Jason thrust the Kale and Feta McWrap in my face I took a couple of bites and handed it back. He insisted I finish it. There was about a 1/4 left and after I ate it I was satiated.

I bought us both the same today. After eating half, I was full.  I ate the second half for lunch but you could get it to split with a friend. I would NOT recommend combo-ing it up with a hash brown. Hash browns add 360 mgs of sodium and 10 g of fat.

So if you can bring yourself to do it, grab one with a coffee. Especially if you're taking a road trip. A lot of nutritionists will tell you to pre-plan before you hit the road, and if you have sensitivities or allergies you should, but that's never worked out for me. (Really, does anyone without food allergies or food sensitivities or an ailment exacerbated by food really do that? You're rushing to pack and get out the door. If you do, I'm impressed.) It's better to give myself permission to eat road food than to allow low blood sugar crankiness make me hate myself for eating that shit even more. My lack of advanced planning is my plan, in a manner of speaking. Knowing which fast food places I can tolerate physically, mentally and emotionally helps. I believe that we've got to be nice to ourselves. Eat healthy primarily, eat to maximize nutrient consumption, but don't beat yourself up when you eat crap once in awhile.

See also  My New Year's 2017 Post

Coincidentally, today is National Kale Day.